Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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