My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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