I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
