I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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