I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
