I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
