tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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