ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
