i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
