Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
nutella sex= disaster
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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