i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
