Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
