so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
