she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
