man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
