If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
as a side note pls kill me
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