i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
