Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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