So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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