did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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