bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
