He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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