Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize