I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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