i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
