8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
