Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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