just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
