Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
