i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
