So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
