I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
