i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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