when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
