Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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