worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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