You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
