You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
