Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
