I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
