He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
