My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
