Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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