Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
