i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize