Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize