I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
