I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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