i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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