Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
