Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
