I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
