So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
