My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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