Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
