And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
