Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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