Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize