I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
