goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
