it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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