i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
