There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
