When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
