Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
