I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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