Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize