I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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